Tuesday, June 16, 2009
i think i expect too much of people
i'm too idealistic
maybe i should stop having such high expectations of others
i mean, we're all human
it's just that, i cant help it.
help me will You, to forgive everyone including myself for being so. so.
zxxksmdkfmksmdkfmgngxsazxx
imperfect.
fantasy _ 5:35 AM
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
"Our help is in the name of the Lord
the Maker of heaven and earth." -Psalm 124:8
our help is not just in the Lord.
it's in the name(s) of the Lord,
our Healer
our Provider
our Father
our Strength
our Redeemer
our Saviour
our Rock
our Shield
our Fortress
our Love
our Maker
our Sovereign King
our Defender
our Deliverer
our everything
It's hard to remember that. it's so easy to be self-reliant when everything's going okay. when God seems to be taking a backseat in my life. when life's all as it should be. AHH what a trap to fall into! i wake up and think, oh i'm gonna go about today doing this and that, read newspaper while eating breakfast, meet xx to shop, prepare stuff for camp, check emails etc.
"What is your life? you are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. instead, you ought to say 'if it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this and that'. As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil." -James 4:14-16
Especially when i think life is great, especially during this wonderfully slack period when i'm free to do whatever i want.
is trying to dictate your own life pride? i suppose it is. cause then you'd be obeying yourself as god and not God.
yet, this world distracts me so much that i forget You after i close my bible.
i've got so much to be thankful for, so much to praise You for. yet i dont often do it.
when i pray nowadays, i feel that 'i'm not praying much' cause i don't have that many requests. no troubles/exams/stresses-that-come-with-school to pray about.
no tournaments, competitions, presentations. nothing that worries me.
i MUST get rid of that lie in my mind that prayer=requests IT'S NOT.
prayer=thanksgiving.
prayer=praise
prayer=surrendering/giving God your problems
prayer=confessing sins
prayer=requests (which is one-fifth of prayer, and should correspondingly take up one-fifth or less of prayer time)
please please teach me how to pray.
i'm off to learn how(:
fantasy _ 5:26 AM
Saturday, May 30, 2009
omg i realised that
1) people still link my blog
2) people still read my blog
should i feel honoured or paiseh cause i hardly update!
hahaha i think i should go back to blogging more often, it relieves stress sometimes. i'm trying to create an lj but i cant think of a username!
anyway, thanks E for coming with me shopping for prizes today, i cant wait till church camp YAY!
E gave me a lot of things to think about. like my choice of uni..it's 2 days till the deadline and i'm still waiting (goodness knows what for) to click accept. sighh why did you have to give me so much to think about! hahaa
argh. do i want an experience or an education?
there are several reasons why i dont wanna go there.
bffzmmzpxtkpfffffft. i wanna go back to mg):
I MISS YOU OLD SCHOOL.
on a side note, time is passing wayy too quickly. aside from my holiday break ending in 2 months, i cant believe i'm nearing the end of my teens. nooooooo ):
i was just thinking today, that uni comes with so many temptations.
temptations to conform to the world.
temptations to glorify self over God.
okay those temptations are there all the time, but somehow thinking about uni amplified those temptations. hmmm maybe it's a warning from God, and yes a very realistic warning.
sometimes i wonder what my true personality is like.
sans the influences of the world and the way i was brought up.
i wonderrr. cause i wanna be this person. and just be.
yeah. be.
the human being i am.
glorifying God in the truest, purest way. the holiest way possible.
fantasy _ 5:54 AM
Saturday, May 02, 2009
a gay christian is a contradiction.
gay not equals christian, christian not equals gay.
i'm talking bout true, born-again christians.
what is this world coming to that a gay church exists??!!
i'd like to know, where in the bible are gays allowed.
O God let us be
a generation that seeks
that seeks Your face
O God Almighty
i'm thinking of reviving my blog in a livejournal site so i can lock it and let only friends see(:
hmmmmmmmm.
fantasy _ 5:42 AM
Thursday, March 19, 2009
when i'm weak, You make me strongwhen i'm blind, You shine Your light on me
cause i'll never get by living on my own ability
how refreshing to know You don't need me
how amazing to know that You want me
so i'll stand on Your truth and i'll fight with Your strength
until You bring the victory,
by the power of Christ in me.
fantasy _ 7:08 AM
Thursday, March 12, 2009
what are your career goals?
i wanna work for the Boss of the universe, in the kids/youth department fighting for their rights and getting to interact with them. I want a close, growing relationship with my Boss (okay this sounds scandalous like the typical secretary-boss scenarios hahaha). I want good camaraderie with my colleagues. I want to be who i am, do what i love and be a blessing to everyone around me.
I think investing in Love- the currency of tomorrow's world- is a good idea, although colleagues from other companies may scorn. but so what. my Boss does it all the time, and he's living in this place where there are streets of gold! Plus, he runs an MNC with over a million employees! talk about a successful business. the employees are never in want; the Boss has a pool of resources for them. the employees never grow weary; the Boss gives them some sort of superhuman strength. the employees never give up; the Boss' Son motivates them through his Word all the time!
-CUT-
what are your career goals?(to be written on a scholarship application form)
um. i want to be a corporate lawyer. work in an office with a team of people, work together to negotiate matters. work in a team. you know. teamwork's the way to do things! uhh, help people? work out compromises. negotiate matters! work 9-5 everyday to help the company's clients, gain reputation for the company, get some sort of promotion..uhh. and help people! oh and of course, when i get old, retire! my ultimate goal.
sighh the latter sounds so cheesy-totally pales in comparison to the higher calling we have. HOW GOD?
i'm really having second thoughts about law agaaaain.
i know i wanna work with kids/youth and interact with people, touching peoples' lives directly, not sit around in front of a computer earning money and pleasing superiors!!!
though that might very well be the case in the end):
Lord i'm stuck! help me please help.
fantasy _ 5:51 AM
Thursday, March 05, 2009
tomorrowwould i be exude the same amount of gratitude if i were to get 1A compared to if i were to get 5As?
honestly, i don't think so.
i'm too selfish. too prideful. wanting to glorify myself more than God. if i were to get 1A, sure i'd thank God, but would it be wholehearted?
Lord, look, you know what grades i want, you know my desires through and through. but help me to accept whatever You give me, cause whatever You give me is far more than i deserve.
i don't deserve You. i don't deserve this relationship i have with You which is keeping me so peaceful now. i don't deserve what i got for o's which allowed me to be in the school i'm in.
i've never deserved Your favour. i've never done anything worthy of You. and i've never EVER excelled in anything without Your grace.
Your grace, sufficient indeed.
why thank you friend, for just logging in. your nick reminded me that the it's the Lord's purpose that prevails(:
so no matter what i get, God, help me to give thanks. from the bottom of my heart.
fantasy _ 4:53 AM
